Hold Me In Your Arms And Watch Me Fade Away

ErrorAccurate

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 08:17:08 GMT

yay!!! we finally might have managed to get a band together! it will possibly be me-vocals, ella-guitar, lucy-bass and alexis-drums. possible name so far is ErrorAccurate, which i think is really cool. i will get back to you later on this, cos now i have to go.
MirrorGlass xoxoxoxo

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 12:40:47 GMT

i have just been reading my friends journal and she seems to be interpreting how i have been acting lately completly wrong. she seems to think that i have been acting all secretive with ella because ' whenever i feel left out i always get closer to stell and now getting closer with ella is kind of my way of think im winning'!! wtf?!?! shes completly mad.
but the thing is, the worse i act, the worse she acts, and vice versa. so it just gets worse every time. but she doesnt understand that even though i love her, some times she makes me want to bash my head agaist walls because she drives me so insane!! and SHE calls me selfish! maybe i am, but she says she' does put herself before others that just how it should be otherwise you end up depressed'. no its not how it should be!!! thats ridiculous!!
also, by her ranting on about my poems, it seems shes angry at me for having feelings!! maybe i shouldnt have shown them to her, but that doesnt make any diference on how she reacted!!
about the whole me-ella secretive thing, were just talking about her leaving! we dont include stell, because she just looks like she wants to forget it for now and not talk about it. so me and ella talk about it, how we are going to cope, how poor stell is going to cope and poems about it.
im trying to be distant about the whole thing because i dont want her leaving to come as one big painful blow (but by the way shes acting it might not be as painful as i thought). i try to focus on things that shall make me happy next year like ROCKS (Recording prOducing Composing Komputers Songwriting) so i might see something good about next year.
got to go, but i shall write again soon.
Love
MirrorGlass xoxoxoxo

another poem-y thing-CONFIDING IN COMPUTERS

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 12:22:17 GMT

CONFIDING IN COMPUTERS

why pretend
why not say it to my face
instead of being a closet hater
confiding in computers
leading me astray
weaving webs of lies
didnt you realise i would find out one day
or that i already knew
how could you do this
why cant you just leave me be
you dont want me, but no one else can have me
i cant lead my own life without you
but i cant stand my life with you either
why not tell me
why just stand me, tolerate me,
who says i need you anyway
you may just tolerate me
but whos to say that cant be reversed?
you dont have proper friends
you have company
people to compliment you
people to use

GET OVER YOURSELF!!

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 11:11:22 GMT

hi!! im back!! sorry i havent written in ages, ive just been kind of busy and everythings been so hectic.
one major event that has happened since i last posted is that thea got into McRob's. McRob's is this all girls competitive school that starts in year 9. thea has decided to go so now she is leaving the school next year. the whole friendship group has gone a bit haywire. thea has kind of abandoned me and stell to go off and muck around with her 'new best friend' aka. plaything (no offence to ella, shes awesome), so at least i feel a bit rejected and used after we have been best friends since orientation day.
well to make up for the fact that i havent posted in ages, i shall put up two poem/songs that i wrote:

CAN'T WIN IF YOU DON'T TAKE PART

the whole world is turned upside down
cry and see which way the tears flow
cant take it, won't make it
abandoned hopes in the wrong corner

one in a million
teens of faux perfection
these are'nt tears, there's dust in the air
cant win if you dont take part

too tired and a need to dream
wishing on a fantasy world
get a grip, lifes a bitch
heroes are just pretty pictures

fake smiles and souless eyes
this is what i aspire to
a love but nothing driving you
so many like you
what made you so special
your just another dreamer

and...

EVERYBODY HURTS

you think your the only one
we care too
were confused, full of hate
but you mean so much to us
we love you

our eyes are red and stinging
phone calls by the million
your oblivious to our pain
screwing with your 'new best friend'
wake up and realise
your not the only one here

everybody hurts
everybodys hearts can break
everybodys tears can fall
but you're still in the dark
when it comes to what you've done

we defend you, love you
reassure you your not a whore
but what do you do?
a few moments of contentment
a friendship that will never last
thats all we get from you

you dont realise what this really is
or at least you pretend to
just another opportunity, isn't it?
well its more than that
its goodbye us, goodbye friends
have you really thought this through?
what its going to cost you?

i really do love you
my tearstained eyes show
but have you really thought this through?
what its going to cost you?

Random- band ella ,alex, no one

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 11:40:25 GMT

ok, i know i havent posted in a while but i promise i will make up for it this time cos i got a lot to talk about.

on friday both my little sisters and i went to footscray to be in the music video my dad was making, and i was very excited, because i had my newly purple hair which i had dyed the night before. before we met up with my dad we managed to have a bubble cup. i have become addicted to bubble cup!! my fave one is coffee caramel. so back to the story. we met up with dad (we heard them before we saw them!) and then went to the footscray fish market (which smelt terrible) and filmed a bit there, whic we got to be in. then we went off away from them while they had lunch and while we were waking around we passed a shop which was playing dads cd which was really strange!! after theat we ended up in a pet store, and i eventually bought two fish!! (i should'nt have given in to my sisters pestering) my mum still doesnt know!! but there is no harm done. they are happily living in my sisters fish tank along with raspberry google and squirt (my sisters fish). by the way, the small black fish is called Sonny (it was a black moor fish, it was asking for it!!) and the other red and white one is called Francis (which has nothing to do with gemma's older brother!) but after that we went to tell our dad we were going home, rented some movies, got some snacks and just had a movie session.

i have decided im going to change my room a bit, cos im kinda sick of it. what i really want in my room is a fluffy white rug, cos my carpet is ugly, and a double bed futon cos im sick of my single bed (too cramped!! i get claustrophobic!!) and futons are cool. rearanging the furniture would be great too.

lucy got back from the school trip to malaysia over the holidays, which is awesome. she keeps saying she loves me because i bought her tickets to the horrors for her birthday. im very exited about this year because the concerts im going to (in order) are: The Academy Is.../Cobra Starship, The Horrors, Fall Out Boy and Taste Of Chaos. im also hoping to get tickets to My Chemical Romance in december.

i love having a livejournal. none of my friends know about it so none of them ever read it which is great.
got to go now, so i shall tell you about alex and the band, and anything else next time.
Love, MirrorGlass xoxoxoxo

too complicated

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 03:23:10 GMT

i hate it when im feeling so much but lack the ability to put all of it on paper, like right now. but i dont think its just right now that i feel like this. i always do. there is just so much i want to say but as previously mentioned, i lack the ability to do so.

one of the things that has been bugging me is that me and my two best friends, when we first met, it seemed like we were going to be friends for and extremly long time, but now some cracks in the friendship. i think i cause quite a lot of them, with the way i sometimes make those horrible remarks to Thea, but i dont think before i speak, and i feel really bad about it afterwards. i cant help some of the remarks, because sometimes she does really annoying things like the whole flirting thing. i could be talking to a guy, and then she comes comes and stands next to me, starts talking to him, and then manages to push me backwards so thart she is standing next to him and im behind them and completly cut out of the conversation. its just sometimes on the days where im slightly more mixed up i cant handle some aspects of thea's personality, and they just slip out. and stells really nice and i really love her to bits, but sometimes i cant just be with her. sometimes same with thea. we just fit perfectly.

sometimes i also feel they get really sick of me. especially thea. we just seem to clash a bit more now ive become a bit more confident. its just some things that she says, even though she sometimes says she's not, i just get te feling she is.

but i love both of them heaps. shit, im seriously screwed up.

ok new subject, before i get so agitated that i start pulling my hair out (not good).

umm... SCHOOL CAMP. yeah, school camp is on tuesday. im gonna be in a cabin with, umm.. thea and stell (hmm...), ella and evie, and two other girls i dont know. its gonna be FREEZING. when i get back i shall give you a full report of the camp. i bet you anything that im gonna cry at least once on camps, because im TERRIFIED of heights, and they've got a lot of height-related activities. uh oh.

one thing that might brighten up camp is that my group of friends have set up this game where we have a list of challenges, all designated amounts of points for doing them, and the one with the most points at the end of camp wins. some of the challenges are hilarious. ella and evie have decided they're gonna do this thing where they throw a handful of skittles and someone and yell "TASTE THE RAINBOW!". personally, it think they're nuts (and also thats an waste of skittles. i love skittles!!)

hopefully we're in the cabins that are seperate from the rest of the camp and cabins, because 1. more privacy and 2. they have there own toilet, so it would be cleaner.

ok, i might post a bit later, because im a sad lonely person with no social life :)

lots of love,
MirrorGlass xoxoxoxo

why do i carry on

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 13:26:40 GMT

ever since i was 12 i have had this obsession with pulling my hair out, and i still do it and i dont know why! ive told myself many times that it is not a great thing to do, and it doesnt do much for my self esteem either because for most of the time when i was thirteen i had this bald-short haired patch on the top of my head. THAT was the reason why i cut my hair short and dyed it red, so i wouldnt feel so bad about my hair. i used to have really nice long curly hair, and then i had to cut it all off! i wisgh i could do something about it but it has become this strange addiction and i cant stop! i should before it gets more noticable again.

my school had a free dress day today, and it had a few 'memorable' experiences, even before i got to school. thea thinks everyone seems to mention prostitution in relation to me (not anything to do with my personality, im just always asking people for money or ideas for making money). today was no different, but not for money reasons. it was just some stupid year 7 kid on the train station who looked at me and said "thats what im getting for christmas". god, some people are so creepy. why is my school full of creeps and sluts. its not as bad as some schools with the whole popularity thing, but it still gets at you if someone asks you if you got your dress at a two dollar shop in an insulting way. candis is such a bitch. i guess thats what you get if your in the all girls classes. theyre all bitches.

one positive about today is that ryan and jake didnt say anything on the way to school today. last time i stopped being 'me' and tried a different hairstyle they called me an 'emo slut'. but then again i was walking to school with natalie (why wont she leave me alone?!) so that might explain the 'slut'.

anyway, i'll stop my stupid bitching now and force myself to go to bed so i will actually wake up in the morning

Lots of love

MirrorGlass xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

memories

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 10:49:13 GMT

right now im talkining to my best friend from england and i realised i havent seen her since i was 11. that was a depressing realisation. i cant wait to see her again because i was looking at her myspace and she has changed so much. i wonder if she thinks the same about me. god i miss england so much. it was only after i left that i realised how lucky i was living in London, and its only at this age that i would appreciate living in london more.
scarlett just gave me the msn adresses for 2 guys that were in my class in london so im happy.
no dinner drama tonight, just had pasta, though i'm still craving sushi.

i might go now cos i really cant think of aything ot say so...
Lots of love
MirrorGlass xoxoxo

second post tonight

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 10:42:20 GMT

this is my second post tonight. its a bit pathetic. but i feel pathetic, just sitting infront of the computer finishing of the leftover malteasers.
update on the dinner disaster: i ended up making myself some scrambled eggs and put them on a crumpet (??), so everthings cool there.
posting on livejournal is kind of addictive. i know it seems like this is a bit to soon to say this, but i have posted on livejournal before, i just deleted them. anyway, this time round i figured out how to use most things, so its a whole lot easier.
i'm missing the malteasers cos i finished them, and now im staring at an empty packet. THATS pathetic. ah, who cares. everyones allowed to have days like this, where you just want to lounge around doing anything that you don't need much thought for.
i don't know why i prefer an online journal to a real one. on this ANYONE can read it. i guess theres something comforting about the fact that you can tell the reader anything without the risk of meeting them for real. people can be WAY more judgemental in person. and in person you can hear what they have to say about you. you cant just delete it. sometimes i cant even tell my friends things.
well, i shall try and post again tomorrow.

MirrorGlass xoxoxoxoxoxo

Ok...

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 07:46:47 GMT

...this is going to be the first post that i won't delete after a few months, so here goes.
livejournal is a bit new to me, but time and a few more posts will change that quickly.

maybe first i shall introduce myself for anyone who actually cares to read this. i have a feeling that is not many people, possibly none. i can't think of much to say though. the usual stuff like where i live and my age etc. is not important and not that interesting, so i shall just say i am female and i live in Australia.

right now i finally managed to get off the matress in the living room (there from when i had my friends over for my birthday) and i felt like actually doing something, so i decided to go one step up from watching DVD's and go on the computer. i'm having a lazy day today cos its the day after my birthday and im feel so tired, but not like i want to go to sleep. strange. i havent done much today so to waste time i shall just type whatever comes into my head until i can think of something to say.

i wish that sometimes i had the willpower and motivation to do something. for example, my dad gave me an electric guitar for christmas, so i could teach myself to play it. the sad thing is, i havent picked it up since march, and its now june. i feel so bad about it because were not exactly rich, and electric guitars arent cheap, and dad constantly has money problems, so...
he keeps offering to teach me, but i dont feel like i could be taught by him, and i dont have the guts to tell him.
on a happier note, i found out there is at least one kind of cute guy in my year level that is not a complete idiot (well, i don't know for sure, but he doesnt seem like an idiot). but i don't know him that well.
im going to sign off now, but i might post again later.
Lots of love,
MirrorGlass xoxoxoxo

P.S. just a little drama. dad just called up and said that he would get dinner while he was out, and i did not want pizza or noodles because i want something healthy and non-filling, and now im getting no dinner. i asked what there was that we could get, and she said "you know what there is" and then got angry when i didn't decide in 15 seconds! i don't know what there is!!! and i want something healthy!!! there isnt even something healthy in the house so i can make a sandwich ore something. there is only stuff left over from my party and crumpets. ahhhh!!!!!